The time when we just hung on

April 2022

It's taken four months for me to feel up to writing this, and there is just no easy way around it or to avoid it. April sucked. At the beginning of the month, my friend's husband suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. Just completely out of the blue. Two days later, my uncle was shot-many, many times. Not long after that, my grandma's boyfriend found her in a pool of vomit and blood and rushed her to the hospital. It felt like everyone I love was suffering and there wasn't anything I could do, but I also didn't feel like I could even be the various places I wanted to be. Andrew picked up a lot of slack at home while I dropped everything to stay the night with my friend or take kids to/from school. I worried a lot about my uncle and grandma, and about my dad who was dealing with his brother and mom being in the hospital. I babysat kids and tried to be a helpful shoulder to cry on. It's close to 5 months later and my uncle is home and walking independently; he is truly a miracle. My grandma is back home, but has lost much of the independence and flexibility that she had. My friend and her kids are still suffering-of course-and they have also found some moments of joy and are figuring out how to keep going.

I don't have anything profound to share about any of these situations. I still need some therapy for the information I learned and to help me practice setting boundaries and protecting my own health. It's not "all better" and never will be. But the Earth continues to turn and the only real say I have the matter is what I'm going to do today. and the next day. and the next. So I'm still showing up and I'm just doing my best.

That's all I feel like saying about any of that right now.

Silly, mixed-up April Fool's Day dinner

Digging for dinosaur bones

He's the only kid into stuffed animals around here, and he loves them enough for everyone.

Andrew's brother and family came to visit us during their spring break which was super fun. Andrew took the two little boys and (finally) got to go to the jelly belly factory.

Getting a sweet hairdo

One day we took Adam's family to hike at Muir Woods and then play at the beach and get ice cream. The beach was super fun because we happened to go at low tied and we could see lots of mussels and anemones (?). We went to Salt and Straw after and it was yum, as always.

We had some cooking competitions. I think this one involved a quesadilla with chopped carrots, oats with chocolate and berries, chia water, and something with yogurt and fruit.

We normally have a no sleepover rule, but these girls were pretty excited that we made an exception.

Releasing ladybugs

bedtime stories

He could NOT resist playing in the fountain while waiting for lunch. I can't say I'm surprised, my boys are the same way.

Happy Birthday, Adaline! I'm sorry your birthday looked a little different this year. I'm so proud of you and impressed by your growing ability to be adaptable. You love your brothers so much and are incredibly kind, patient, and helpful with them. You've become my shadow lately and love to match clothes and share earrings-I hope that lasts for a long time. You take some time to warm up to people, but them love them fiercely once you're ready. I love you so much and I'm glad that we are friends. Thanks for being my buddy.

We took the birthday girl bowling and to Chick-Fil-A

She wanted a flower cake, and I think Andrew delivered.

Basket heads on Easter

Adaline got a jewelry box for her birthday that she was very excited to organize

And then happy birthday to Alex! We went to the park, had cupcakes, and watched a movie at home. What more could a 4-year-old want? Alex, I'm obsessed with you-you already know because I tell you all the time. You make me laugh and you're such fun to be around. You're a master at dress-up and solo pretend play. You love to be read to or look through books on your own. You're my best toddler sleeper and a bit of a sporadic eater. I love the different voices you use for your stuffed animals and how much you love having them with you. I love the big dimples that show up when you grin and giggle. Thanks for the big hugs you sometimes give me, even though you don't like "squeezy hugs". I love you lots, chicken wing.

Another day, another cooking creation. This time it was an omelet.

Someone's into superheroes

This was from a day when we escaped to the city and met up with a high school friend of mine. We chatted, went for a little hike in Golden Gate Park, and of course the kids found some rocks to climb on.

Post-church lessons by Sadie lol

Someone accidentally threw a shoe that hit me exactly smack in the face and left a bit of a shoe print on my forehead and nose. Once I recovered, I could not stop laughing.